Sometimes all the words in the world can’t get at the sheer upset of having the wind knocked out of you. It can come with losing something or someone: a friendship, a relationship, or even things like our health, a job, a sense of identity. Elisabeth Kubler Ross wrote so systematically on this.

These losses can make us bitter and even angry toward those we feel hurt by – the ones who rejected us or the ones that left. But shifting our heart postures toward an identity of loving can help bring some heart-relief. We loved that friend. We loved that partner. We loved our family. And that is why it hurts. It stings. But the loss doesn’t define us, it’s the love that we had in us, that should. We loved. And that part can’t be taken away. The key is to keep this as our mainstay and not to let the bitterness root. To be the one that loved is blameless. And holding that posture – the tension of love over loss – is hard, but brings its own sense of peace.