from Robyn Gobbel

Herbs used to promote restful sleep

I get asked this question probably the most. Sleep is crucial. A lot of sedating medications can actually minimize the time our brains spend in REM, which is a very restorative phase in sleep. Of course there are times when sleep medications are life saving. Everything has context.

However, to answer this question, the herbs that can potentially help with sleep are: Skullcap, Hops, Valerian, Ashwagandha, and Chamomile. If you are purchasing a product or tea, be sure to research whether it is of a reputable quality. And if you’re taking psychiatric medications, be sure to ask your doctor about potential medication-herbal interactions.

My research (done while still pursuing my child fellowship) is downloadable through this publisher in the Journal of Cognition and Culture. It is entitled, Children’s Beliefs about Miracles. This was done in conjunction with the Developmental Psychology program at UT – Austin and led to more studies around reality testing and children’s concepts of “what is real.” If you have the time to read it, let me know what you think!

https://brill.com/view/journals/jocc/17/1-2/article-p73_5.xml

Did you know that birdsong actually calms the nervous system?

Sometimes all the words in the world can’t get at the sheer upset of having the wind knocked out of you. It can come with losing something or someone: a friendship, a relationship, or even things like our health, a job, a sense of identity. Elisabeth Kubler Ross wrote so systematically on this.

These losses can make us bitter and even angry toward those we feel hurt by – the ones who rejected us or the ones that left. But shifting our heart postures toward an identity of loving can help bring some heart-relief. We loved that friend. We loved that partner. We loved our family. And that is why it hurts. It stings. But the loss doesn’t define us, it’s the love that we had in us, that should. We loved. And that part can’t be taken away. The key is to keep this as our mainstay and not to let the bitterness root. To be the one that loved is blameless. And holding that posture – the tension of love over loss – is hard, but brings its own sense of peace.

Is empathy something that can be taught? Maybe? But I don’t think completely in a verbal sense. I think it is something to be learned first, experientially. But even before that, under the primer of a healthy attachment relationship forged under hours of repairs. Then, what helps, is a good deal of recognition in others and consequently in our selves, the feelings and emotions that can come with hurt and suffering.

How do we teach something to children who grow up not experiencing any of this? Where do we begin? “Regulation” is the buzz word of today and I do think much can be said for matching the state of someone’s nervous system to help us match in a resonant sense. But I think perhaps an emphasis on the awareness of empathy (both in a cognitive sense and an emotional sense) is just as important.

Placing ourselves in another’s shoes helps us understand the way they think and how they might feel. Even exploring the various types of empathy can be a spring board for understanding how to teach something that may be more naturally intuitive for some people. Working through images of facial expressions, story character development discussion, and even just emotion coaching can help us begin to teach empathy to children.

The highest sense of empathy, could be considered affective empathy and allows us to have compassion for one another and also ourselves. And ultimately, this allows for healing relationally.

I believed it before but I feel it even more strongly today: education is the civil rights issue of our time. The schools are still segregated, but this time based on, economics, ability-level, and in some cases politics. I hear many stories of frustrated parents, disillusioned by the educational system in some way. Some hire advocates, others even lawyers. There is a whole field dedicated to law as it pertains to special education. There are many social support groups gaining momentum to help those who are lagging behind. Please reach out if you are in need of advocacy for your child in the school. There is hope. The landscape can change by the actions of a single child.

It is an odd notion that this is something our children in schools have to endure. School can be stressful for many, many reasons. Not just the academics, but the social piece, the cultural pulls, the peer comparison, the loneliness. How do we allow time for vulnerable nervous systems to decompress and reset? Each child is different and unique. Some may need quiet. Some may need to vent. Others might melt down. As caretakers, let’s be a quick studier of “what’s really going on with their behaviors” and release compassion and your own calm, parasympathetic state. Children and adolescents need to feel a comforting homecoming after school. Milk and cookies are sounding pretty good. Hugs and a non-judgmental posture can be so regulating.

art: @psalmprayers